A Re-Introduction of Me

I am 29 years old, but I will be turning the big 30 in about 6 or so weeks. I am a Scorpio. I am married and we will be having our 5th Anniversary in less than 2 months. We have 2 children, both wonderful boys.
Aidan, is 4, has autism, and is doing great. We still have a lot to learn together and the next year is going to have alot of changes and work, to get ready for kindergarten.
Evan will be 2 in Dec, he is so SO different from his older brother it amazes me at times. He still doesn't talk too much, and that is causing us some concern. But all other areas he has developed just great. He has a bit of a temper, but then can be a sweet lil darling cuddle bug as well.

I am trying to get on top of my life, to live a less stressful, less cluttered, cleaner, healthier life. I am making progress minus the healthy part. I seem to be gaining weight and it is kinda dragging me down. Also financially things suck big time, but I am trying not to let that get me down to much.

The house is looking good and is manageable, I am having less and less issues getting rid of things. Except the boys toys, I have a hard time with those still.

I have Incorporated the Flylady way into running my house. I don't do it exactly like they say but I used it as a guideline that suits me and mine.

I am slowly and I do mean slowly learning and practicing more wicca. I am doing my best to listen to my high self. But I have self trust issues that block it a lot :(

I am an Obama support or, I can't say he is my perfect choice, but for the most part he is in line with what I would hope for this country. I am not a debater, (usually) I can't sprout facts, quotes, or statistics to support my choice. Honestly a good deal of it is based on my gut or just what I feel in an instinctual way. Also I listen to my Beloved alot, but then make my own decision and no we do not always agree, and if we do many times it is for different reasons.

Ok I think that is a good general catch up. Talk to you soon.

I am Baaaack...Muhahaha

So I am going to try this again. I am sorry that I just kinda stopped for a while. There were no inspirational words trying to get out of my head. There really aren't any now either, but I feel I need to try. I am slowly getting on top of things again in my life so I wanted to add this to the lists of accomplishments I am making.

So far I have stopped drinking coke but 1-2x a week, I have started and pretty much kept up with a household cleaning/chore schedule. This Sat will be the 4 week mark for it :) It may not sound like much but it is a pretty good feeling. I also have been cooking real meals more, like from a recipe book. It is fun and so far nothing has sucked.

Aidan has started back to pre-school for the school year. We still have some attention and running issues but his language is getting better. The potty training is at a bit of a stand still, I think his lil bro may beat him to it, but they maybe the motivation he needs. Evan is not really talking too much. I am trying not to worry since almost all his other developmental goals are met, but I can't help a lil worry. But I figured I will wait till Dec at his 2nd Birthday to really stress.

With the financial industry and things being already tight before we have all but decided that we are moving in with my parents when our lease is up in May. I can see many good things coming from this and I know it won't be perfect but I am not gonna create any negative feelings about it. At least I can stop thinking of ways and things we need to improve this house or how to afford a new couch and other household things.

I miss my sister, spending an evening with he 2 nights ago kinda made it sink in just how much. My dad is grumpy lately, he hates how much money is bad for everyone, and now it is even hurting him.

Well that is my small update for now. I will do more later. I will try and keep in touch more.

Been Busy Reading

I found this new, great and affordable way to get more books to read. It is Called Paper Back Swap.com, they also have cd, and dvd swaps as well:)
I have swapped over 81 books in the last few months and it only cost me shipping. I was able to get all the rest of the books in a 16 book series, I never thought i would because we cant afford it and there are no used book stores in the lil town 20 miles outside of Phoenix I live in, and with 2 children 3 and under I just can't make it all the way into the city and into a book store. You can even print prepaid shipping wrappers, wrap it up with tape and drop books in the mail. It is wonderful.


and if you do decide to join and give it a try not only is membership free, but you will help lil ole me get more credits as well :) So thank you in advance. Happy Reading:)

I love to read!!!!!

...but I don't always have time, or the strength to keep my eyes open, or sometimes even the focus power. My reading kinda goes in phases, I will read every possible moment for a month or too,ll and then, i will barely be able to get into a book. Even if it is one I know I love.
I don't alwasy read the most quality of books, and I do have a small vampire fetish. So if you know any good Vampire books let me know !!!
Right now I am ready for a 2nd time, The Tale of the Body Thief, By Anne Rice. I am into it but my time/energy doesn't quiet let me get too far. I actually looked forward to a dr appnt so I would have to wait and have a chance to read :P Nuts huh?

Anyways the point of this is to share a blog I found, where there are contests to win books, woot!!!

A current contest has 2 very intersesting books to be won.

Funk

Warning: This post is just a form of release with no plan what so ever, just me writting because I don't know what else to do.


I am in a funk today. A state of depression or something. Not a place I really want to be, but I kinda don't care to find the energy or what not to pull myself out at the moment.

All that progess I was making is at a stand still if not a slow avalanche. Today was suppose to be the day to get on top of things again.

That didn't happen. and for some reason, that is not really anyones fgault really, No body can make me happy today, EVERYONE is irritating me and I just want them all to shut up or go away.

You would think it is pms, but it isn't, unless there is a post-ms instead of a Pre-one.

My head hurts, my stomache is upset, I barely ate or drank, and what I did had no good taste to it.

The bed though, the bed sounds wonderful....I have been so tired for no real good reason and everyday I want to go back to bed, but today it was like calling to me.

So I hope that this helps me get over this funk, and lets me get up, take my son to his therapy in the morning, go take care of what ever needs to be taken care of in town, then come home and get this place in gear.

Oh my goodness it is 7pm, wow time flys when you arent doing anything.

I have to accomplish something, I have been mean to my poor Beloved today. He has taken the brunt of my mood, better him than the kids, but it still isn't fair.

I am gonna go drink some water, stretch, clean up the mess of gold fish the kids madee, and figure out a more detailed plan for dinner.

On a side note we find out this Friday if my son gets into the preschool which will be a great thing for him. :)

Catching Up

So I haven't (once again) blogged in awhile. I want to I had this very special blog planned in my head but never found the time to get it out. Now it is fading from my head and won't ever be the same.

My oldest son, on Feb 15th was diagnosed with Autism. I had a blog planned centered all around that. But the raw pain is leaving me now and I am not sure the same words will come out that I originally had planned, but I will write that blog, hopefully with in the next 3-4 days.

I had 1 tooth pulled Monday and the one next to that has a root canal. It was the best way to spend our money and get all the work I need done to all the teeth that need it. So I have been on vicodin and these steroid pills for 4 days now and I haven't been myself. Plus I haven't really been eating and I had icecream today which was like the 1st sugar i have had in 4 days and between that and the vicodin i was feeling pretty good, I wasn't making much sense but it sure felt good :)

My youngest son had his 15 month check up today. He is in good health, small bit of congestion, and has a few teeth coming in. The Dr had him get his MMR 3 months early due to the Measles outbreak in San Deigo they are afraid will travel here to AZ. I was assured that the immunizations were mercury free, I had been very concerned and doing a fair bit of research on that. I had planned on post poning the shot till 2 years old, but with this measles thing that has come up, i decided my only real concern was the mercury and that was no longer a factor. But the idea of skipping it and watching my baby boy suffer through measles made it a no brainier. I guess he has a big head and is a lil tall for his weight, not sure that really means anything. He lost weight and thinned out once he started walking, so I was just glad he had gained weight again.

I have been spending alot of time online with a good friend, who lives in San Deigo, there had been times in my life I wasn't just sure how good or close the 2 of us were or would be, and was kinda sad because I knew what potential we had, and we seemed to drift apart or just get distracted by our own lives alot. But we have bonded alot lately and i am so very happy. She is even coming to see us and we get to meet her lil man. It will be a fun week with 3 lil men running around.

My kitten is missing, again, he was missing for about 3 days but he came home. Then a nameless person had my son let him outside and we haven't seen him since, it has been 5 days now and my heart is breaking. He is so good with the kids and so gentle and loving, I miss him so.

I have been dong alot better in my daily life, keeping up with house work and such. I have been accomplishing goals and it has been very very nice. There will be a lil bit of recovery needed after this week of pain/drug induced laziness, which i had hoped a lil that Beloved would be better at picking up slack, but he is having sympathy tooth pains or maybe they really are real too :P plus picking up the slack is not his strong suit in the 1st place, but sicne i was so caught up on House hold stuff there wasn't alot of room for things to pile up, Yay. My next plan is once i have gotten back on top of things then i may start trying to work some walking time into my new daily routine.

Ok well that should just about catch you up, sorry about the long rambling. I am good and I can see top of the mountain, just a few more rocks and climb and we will be there. It feels great already. I know that there will some day sooner or later be more hills and mountains, what would be the point if there wasn't more lessons heading our way, but this particular one has given me the strength training i needed to be able to tackle those a lil bit better now.

I Broke an Eight-teen Wheeler with my Mind

So, there we are. My 2 lil boys and I driving south on the 101. We have a wide load 18 wheeler in front off us hauling a building or at least part of a building. We can't get around it.

Then is takes the same off/on ramp as we do to get on the next freeway. As it is doing this, right in front of me still. I think, "That is too big for the on ramp, what if it falls over or breaks down"

That's when it happened, a wheel comes rolling from the thing. Rolls right past me. I am still in denial that it is from the 18 wheeler till i see the smoke/dirt flying from behind it, then i see the pieces of another wheel come flying out from under it, all over the road in front on me.

I slow down, I wonder is it gonna stop and trap us all on the ramp or just keep going till it can pull over. With out obscuring traffic. It did the latter, by a hair. So everyone safely got to continue there journey. Nothing else exciting happened to the truck or the people driving it.

I felt so bad, I can't help but wonder if my negative thoughts had something to do with it. Kinda freaky, maybe I should be put away in a room with thick walls and no windows. I could become a menace to society.

On a more humours note, I email my beloved at work to tell him the story and the following is our email conversation

Beloved: "wow. that's kinda freaky. Are you stuck?"

Me: "Yes I got on the Internet from my car"

Beloved: "wow.....I guess that was a stupid question, huh?"


...and no I do not have a cell phone or palm pilot that can look at email or any of that stuff, just in case you were wondering. :)

Sneaky vs. Picky

So today in an act of desperation I ordered "The Sneaky Chef" Book. I have read some rave reviews and the OT therapist recommended it.

My three year old will not eat most things, and even things he would eat before are being refused. His diet mainly, and please don't judge, consists of cereal, eggos, Yogurt, bananas, peeled apples, pop corn, pickles, rice, gold fish, raisins, milk, and juice. Sometimes crackers and sometimes chicken strips/nuggets and mac & cheese.

He has food sensitivities to some foods like strawberries and anything with red dye in it. Slowly we are weaning out any thing with dyes and most preservatives. But with his being picky it has been very hard.

He has learning and speech delays. He talks and behaves more like a 18-24 month old rather than a 3 1/2 year old. There has been much improvement especially since we removed the red dye. But I am so frustrated as well as woried that he isn't getting adequate nutrition.

I want him to eat but, I want him to try new things, he refuses even 1 bite of things he doesn't think he likes. Not even hot dogs, corn dogs, or pizza. I have sent him to bed hungry, and have let him eat cereal for Breakfast, lunch and dinner. I have tried everything in between.

So I will see how this helps, wish me luck and I will be sure update once we get the book and give it a try.

Come On, Take a Swing

We have had political "discussions" already this morning. Beloved loves Huckabee, I don't trust him. I can't tell you facts why, just my gut feeling. Which we also had a "discussion" about my gut feelings, Beloved knows how much I can be right, but has dragged us through drama because he didn't trust me, and asked me not to trust myself. Why I let him tell me not to trust myself, (not in to many words, but that is what it comes down to) I don't know.

I just wonder after all these "discussions" so far this morning, what else today has in store.

...and poor Roomie has to sit here and listen to all our "discussions" He is smart enough not to interject, even though I am sure I have heard a few chuckles coming from his general direction.

Beloved and I don't really fight I guess we have arguments but I am not sure you can really call it that either. Half our disagreements are solved before either of us even open our mouths. We both "fight" each other in our heads. My Beloved just doesn't rise up into a real fight, which doesn't allow me to rise up either. This is really against my nature being a full fledge member of the Scorpio community.

It can drive me crazy, makes me feel like a caged tiger, pacing, just looking for something to unleash my fury on. I think that is why I like WoW so much. I get to blow up, beat up and kill things. It satisfies my violent nature in a safe environment. But there are a few times when unsuspecting people, like my sister and every now and then my kids or the cats that get stung.

I think it is time Beloved stepped up to the plate and took a few punches himself. Let go of his Tauren nature and just let things fly...for me.

Poor, poor roomie, joining our lil domestic clan at such a time.

Don't Bother Me

Completely Random

I really need a hair cut, I am stating to look like I tried to give my self a mullet. A few or 6 months back I cut myself some bangs, and now it has grown out. I wasn't completely happy with what I did, it wasn't what I envisioned. Part of me wants to try again and part of me wants to go see what a professional can salvage. I would post a picture but I am not that brave.

In other news, I feel better today than I have in over a week. The pain is almost gone, I just have some tension that goes through my jaw line and neck. But even that is better today.

So hopefully I will get off my ever expanding but and get something done around the house today. Maybe even take the kids out to the park. It is suppose to be 65 today, I have lived here for over 10 years (off and on) and I still can't get over the weather. Part of me thinks I need to live some where, where there is real seasons for a year or 2. Because where I grew up in west Texas, it wasn't too much different than this. We did get snow and better rain storms but that is about it.

As you can tell, I had no set topic for this blog. Just felt like sharing. I hope everyone is having a good day, and I will think of something better to write about soon. But I have 30 mins left to get stuff done, before WOW is done patching and Roomie (I guess that I what I will call him) can play.

Pity Party

I am gonna throw myself one, as soon as I can eat brownies :)

I have more than a few bad teeth that need root canals. It is a long, stupid story as to how it ever even got to this point. But Now it is just money and open appointments and people to watch the kids, that are keeping us from getting them all done.

I had an emergency one done Yesterday morning because i was barely alive all weekend and the Vicodin and 800 mg of Ibuprofen wasn't even touching the pain, but here I am 2 days later still in pain. It still hurts as does the tooth next to it, and my ears and throat, and tongue where it got cut and lips where my son head butted me and busted them.

So I am drugged up and constantly washing my mouth with salt water and Listerine. I have even tried a few home remedies like drops of warm olive oil in your ear and swishing vanilla extract on your teeth and nothing is really helping. Between chasing kids, getting house "clean" for our new room mate and trying not to move more than the children force me, I am at a loss for distractions from the pain.

Games online don't work, by the way I have learned that I am not smarter than a 5th grader, reading isn't bad but I don't get very far before a kid has me up and going again.
I feel so bad because nothing is getting done, I feel like hell cause i can't eat and empty tummy and meds don't mix, my temper is short. and I have been head butted, kicked, punch and slapped in the mouth at least 1x each in the last few days.
Our new roommate will be here in like 13 hours or so and I am so not ready. I m such a mess.

This isn't the way I planned to kick off my New Years resolutions at all. Now that I have moaned and groaned too much, I will go and attend to my kids needs again. Times like this i really want my mommy.

Friday Night Highlights

Hubby who I will call Beloved from here on out, got home a bit late, and bedtime is his time with the boys. The 3 of them are in there giggleing WAY too loudly to be getting ready for bed. It just occurred to me as i started writ ting this, that they haven't brushed their teeth yet. I think I will let it slide, I don't want to interrupt them or get them out of bed.

Beloved is reading them the Narnia Series. They have already read The Hobbit. Actually Beloved read the Hobbit to Aidan while he was still in my tummy. Then they went slowly through the Lord of the Rings and some if not all of The Silmarillion. Some Harry Potter, The 2 Eragon books out, and I know I am missing something but I am not sure what.

I am sometimes jealous of this time, but I am with them ALL day and not only is this my quiet/clean up time. It is also special to Beloved. He shares his love of reading and they say their "prayers" (I will expand on the quotations at another time, I mean no disrespect or offense, but we have a slightly different out look on this, from most people and from each other)

Here is a Pic of them getting ready to crawl in bed, sporting their new PJ's and Slippers from YaYa (Grandma).


Now hubby is popping popcorn and we are gonna be lazy and watch Resident Evil 3, he has been waiting along time to see it. We never made it to the theater, I am sure those of you with kids understand.

Life is good, even with all the things I griped about today and all the things that didn't get done, that fell about, the bruises, the toothaches and the bills. I could go on but I am sure you get the picture. Life is sweet and Life is not how I ever pictured it but oh so much better. It really is a wonderful life, and I love that the most exciting this I did this Friday Night was take a moment to soak in the blessedness.

Thank You for allwoing me to share.