Not sure if I ever got to my point

OK, I play an online computer game called World of Warcraft (WoW ). I play way too much. I can't even tell you how much because I refuse to add it up and see, but it is bad, like as much as a full time job...maybe. Off and on all day.

It is an escape it is anger management, it is the only way I talk to other adults and moms as well, but I still need to cut back, interact more with my kids, teach them more, cook more, clean more. I have made improvements, but in a way that just shows how sad it really all was.

I am borderline depressed and I think as much as WoW entertains me, and it is one of the only fun things Ican do with my hubby, (therefore keeps me out of full depression) it also keeps me from moving farther away from the borderline of depression.

I am not saying that people who play wow are bad parents or depressed I am just saying I need to find a more healthy balance for me and my family. I love having an affordable way to do something with my husband we both enjoy and can be at home with the kids.

It is soo freaking hot this summer I do not even open the door unless necessary. We live out of town and gas is so expensive that we don't do anywhere. I feel bad we have to run around in the house to get exercise. Aidan is too rambunctious to take to the pool alone with him and his brother, if we had access to one that is.

So we stay in side and try to to projects but usually just play toys and watch tv/movies. Flashcards on good days as well. I can not wait for it to cool down, in about 1 month it should start to get more tolerable.

Maybe we can even use our zoo membership that we have had for 4 months and only used 2 times. We can go to the new park in out lil town. Go for morning walks.

I know that there are other things we can do inside and I have tried a couple but he gets frustrated easy and so do I, and I rarely try past a 2nd time. These are excuses and only that, and I should try, try, try again. Now that I have admitted this to complete strangers maybe I will.

But if anyone out there has ideas, advice, or even sympathizes, any feed back is good feed back to me. (Evan though I know I may regret saying that)

A New Day..?

I started today with a good attitude. I was gonna make changes. I had a new home page with awesome features from Google, I had motivation, in multiple forms. It started off pretty good, Drank water, good job, made coffee, good job, fed kids, put away clean dishes, exercised/stretched a Lil, realized i was very very outta shape, which just made me glad I was off to this new start, good job. Worked on dishes fed kids more, cleaned kitchen table, started a craft project with a 3yr old. Good idea, hmm not so sure. we fought half the time, I did most of it by myself and he has already taken some of it apart. OK Nice try we made progress, we will try again later. Fed kids again, put big one down for nap. Played WoW for a bit, took a shower with baby. (not so fun but necessary) Fed self and baby. Good Job i even ate healthy and didn't gorge myself with food and ignored my sugar cravings. Baby wont stop crying I am trying to sweep the floor that needs it terribly. crying crying crying. woke up 3 year old, 3 yr old is now crying....make snack for 3 year old, bottle for baby, still crying and or just grumpiness. Ok, where in the world are my parents who said they would be here after 2? Ok the down hill has begun and I am slipping and grasping to hold on to the happy new start day. Best friend calls gives me a pick me up and some how I manage to find the missing remote control, Yay! we now can watch Curious George. Living room clean, all ready for parents, bath room decent, baby happy all of a sudden, but I feel a bit crazed, I need a massage. It is only 4:23 pm Hubby isn't even off let alone home till 6pm. I need just a lil affirmation that I can continue this new day tomorrow. I shouldn't, I should just know that I can, but indulge me please. I know this doesn't sound all that bad, but I was barely keeping myself above water before today. OK seriously where are my parents at?

Getting Started

It is late and I should go to bed, but I want to get started on my blogging adventure because I am afraid that I won't ever if I don't just do it. I was inspired by a blog I found http://spiltmilkblog.blogspot.com I don't know how to do that link thing yet. I was searching for How to clean dried spilt milk from a papasan chair and i ended up there. I still haven't figured out how to clean my chair.
I am blogging, as a kind of journal for myself. But I think the feed back if any from a blog will help. So please forgive my ignorance, spelling, grammar, mundanes, etc. I need a release, a creative path, for my health and happiness and for my family. A happy mom equals a happy home, and well I am not really all that happy. Evan though I have every reason to be. A wonderful supportive, understanding Patience and and 2 smart, adorable Lil boys. A beautiful if not annoying but loving when she wants to be cat. and Great rented house.

So I know this isn't long, but I am tired and side tracked, more about me later, I promise myself and now you.